Old man, you look smart in that jacket.

Those trousers, they fit you very well ( weel )

Just wait till youve got your new hat on.

That new collar, how does it feel.

Come here , i'll tuck your shirt tail in.

Those underpants youve got on , are they clean. (clen )

And do you know that the flies on your pants are undone.

But you'll have to button those up your self. ( sen )

I hope that youve put a clean vest on.

And on your shirt tail there's nothing brown.

For i don't want you shaming me to death.

For remember you could get knocked down.

Now fasten your waistcoat top button.

I'll get you a hankie thats clean.

And here's your pipe and your tobacco.

And there is your specs and gold chain.

They 'll be waiting outside the king billy.

Hurry up joe you'll have to be doing.

If your not there on time, they'll go without you.

So pick up your money and get going.

Now when you get to southport, take notice.

Where the coach driver is parking.

And make sure that your there in plenty of time.

Or they'll leave you , you'll find yourself walking.

Now i know that you'll have plenty ale.

And last year you could'nt stand up.

The others they had to bring you home.

On account of the ale that you'd supped.

Now when you get home, you be quiet.

I don't want you making a peep.

And don't you be wakening the children.

If they're awakened i won't get them to sleep.

And when you get back in the morning.

Go to the toilet before you come up.

And i don't want you peeing in the wardrobe.

Like you've done when you've had to much to sup.

So get gone and have a good time.

I know that you will, there's no doubt.

But make sure old lad you look after yourself.

And i hope you enjoy the day out.

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Copyright © 1998 Jeff Unsworth

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