"Were goo'int av cump'ny today

Neaw a wa'ant yo do what yo towd

I don't wa'ant yo manki'in abeawt

Burr I wa'ant yo be as good as gowd".

Aunty Winney it wuz uz wuz com'in

The one whose eye all'us flickers

Everyone thowt her wuz posh

I reckon it's fur coat, un no nickers

Neaw,we ad'nt much jackbit in't pantry

So mi mam made a plate praytuh pie

"Ickle be awreet", her said, "wi some carrots"

"That er'd be grand" answered I.

"For afters we'll have jelly un custer't"

Her said wi her best'ist posh voice

"Un av made a nice sing'in lily

So that Winney has gett'n a choice".

I said, "Mam it's like hav'in a party"

Un it did look a reet gradely pie

"Aah, well that’s goo'int cause us a problem"

Her had this sly look in her eye

"There wain't be enough pie for aw of us,

Cause that’s aw jackbit win gett'n.

So Jeffrey, when I ask if tha wa,ants some

Say no'w tha nor hungry, tha's ett'n".

Anyroad.. Visitors sat deawn for dinner.

Un then the pie was fotched eawt

I wuz aggrovated dee'uth

Cos I knew I wuz goo'int go beawt.

"Would you like some pie, our Jeffrey,

You know it's your favorite" she said.

"No Mam I'm not feeling hungry"

When really, I could have ett'n a flock bed.

I sat theer while everyone ett'n

Think'in of nowt but the sweet

A greyt bowl of jelly un custert

That surely would make things awreet.

" Con I have some Jelly un custert , Mam"

I asked with a glint in mi eye.

"No…you can't" was the answer.

"You would'nt eat any of the pie"

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Copyright © 1998 Jeff Unsworth

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